Super Bowl XLIV Ad Review

Don’t worry about New Orleans anymore, ‘cause they have a winning football team! Instead, let’s put our collective focus on television advertisements. Ads carry more import than city infrastructure and economy and psychological well-being anyway, right? Well, no. But I have no answers for N'awlins, or Miami, or Indy (boo-hoo), so let’s move on.

Super Bowl XLIV had more viewers than any television broadcast in history, surpassing the legendary finale of M*A*S*H, a show from the 70s or 80s which was about an army of Idaho potato farmers fighting for survival against Irish oppressors. I’m pretty sure it starred Steve Guttenberg.

This year’s advertisers, which can be classified into two groups: “Brands” and “CBS”, obviously viewed the Super Bowl as their prime opportunity to persuade innocent fans of the Colts and Saints to start thinking about other things besides football, like how hilarious underwear can be (UNDIES!) and that Denny’s and Abe Vigoda still actually exist. These life tools are invaluable after the respective fan-nations recover from their joyous hangovers (winners) or their less joyous hangovers (losers) to realize that football season is, alas, over. For the rest of us non-rooters, casual partygoers, and TV addicts, the ads are meant to reinforce how dumb men are. Specifically men who drink Bud Light, willingly, in front of other people.

I’ve already hinted at one theme (UNDIES!), but I’ll get to that later. Another great ad theme was the string of hit CBS shows which are apparently #1! Like Lost, something, something, something, capital letters, something, capital letters Los Angeles, something, something, and of course, The Late Show with old unfunny comedians.

Speaking of old, The Who completed like the 8th straight halftime act featuring an artist whose career pinnacled before I was born. In a clear tryout for next year’s Super Bowl halftime act, KISS and mini-KISS showed up for a Dr. Pepper Cherry ad. (Mini-KISS is slated for halftime of next year’s Puppy Bowl.) Dr. Pepper Cherry: tastes just like sweaty face paint!

Bridgestone, a company that makes tires for automobiles (hopefully not Toyotas), wins the award for Brand Trying Hardest to Seem Cool Despite Fact that Most Humans Pick Whatever Tire is Carried by their Dealership or the Shop Around the Corner with Free Coffee. “Gimme the ones with those grooves in it!” They (Bridgestone, a tire company) also pulled a super lame The Hangover rip-off with their killer whale-in-car ad, with the lamest bachelor party reference of all time. Listen, Bridge-people, Goodyear long ago invented a flying machine to promote themselves, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Only one American automaker paid up the bucks for chicken-wing-interrupted glory: Dodge. Their “I will…” ad featuring a bunch of guys who were saying things about me hit home with most people in the room. It also managed to get in one of the 30 underwear references (UNDIES!) of the night. A few critics have called it whiny, but I related to it in every way. I may just have to go out and test drive a Charger after I fold this laundry and clean the litter box.

Google made a lot of people “awww” and “hey yeah, that IS Google!” with their touching spot about someone figuring out how to create totally unreasonable expectations for their relationship and life. Go watch Sleepless in Seattle again, daydreamer.

Doritos, a product my family and I always referred to as “bad breath chips”, probably had the best laughs in a macro sense (marketing jargon!) with the kid slapping his Mom’s suitor, the guy getting shock-collared, the casket dumping over, and the Doritos-clad warrior attacking dudes in ugly gym clothes. These ads were submitted by regular ol’ people, not agencies, and turned out to be more memorable and funnier than almost every other ad. It’s a YouTube world people, and we’re just living in it. I re-watched almost all of the ads in a conference room with a bunch of marketers on Monday, and everyone LOL’d when the warrior appeared.

You probably noticed the Dockers no-pants chant? I liked this ad better when it was the Dial For Men chant about 2 years ago. Unoriginal, unfunny, and filled with too many tighty whities (UNDIES!). For a good usage of pantsless people, see Careerbuilder.com’s ad. That one featured both men and ladies in their delicates (UNDIES!) as a casual Friday policy gone waaaay too far. The best line was delivered bitingly by a half nude gentleman to the lone remaining pants-wearing holdout: “Nice pants, Terry.”

FINALLY! As the commercial pointed out, men everywhere have been tearing up the gossip lines with their buddies wondering if Dove would release a “for Men” line of products, which they have! Uh…no. See above review of Dockers – this is another Dial for Men rip-off. WE’VE SEEN IT.

Basketball is a sport near and dear to my heart. I love playing it, I love watching it, I love writing about making 19 consecutive 3-pointers and how crappy the NBA Slam-Dunk competition (sponsored by Sprite!) has become. So it pained me to see McDonald’s completely abuse the memory of the classic Jordan vs. Bird game of “HORSE” ad. You remember: “from the bleachers, over the rafters, off the glass, nothing but net.” Swish. The new one—which, in true professional sports league fashion, was overhyped—featured LeBron James and Dwight Howard calling out ridiculous dunks, and then we had to watch as their herky-jerky digitally enhanced selves “completed” those dunks. The NBA is now failing at their real dunk contest and at making impossible dunks look cool on television. McDonald’s, I am most certainly NOT lovin’ it!

In another lame remake, Boost Mobile knocked off the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle from 1985. I guess if you take something that’s already hokey and stiff (but awesome at the time!) and copy it, it’s going to be hokey and stiff. And of course, there was a line about some teammate’s “cheetah print thong” (UNDIES!) to continue with the overdone theme.

This review is getting out of hand, and there are plenty of places to get professional, respected opinions on the ads by people who had time to write them two days ago. Or you can just watch them again on your own, because I just checked and New Orleans is still partying. So let me wrap up with my favorites:

Audi “Green Police”: It sounded like a real Styx song, was fun, dramatized an important topical issue, and clearly showed one of the vehicle’s consumer benefits. Audi had my favorite ad two years ago, too.

Both Coca-Cola ads: Surreal contrast of bright, wacky Simpson’s characters underneath light-hearted music and no dialogue; and the sleep-walker’s dream sequence, which happened to feature a man in boxers (UNDIES!). Both harkened to the classic feel-good message going all the way back to “I’d like to teach the world to sing…” Simply brand builders, but good ones.

Volkswagen slugging: Relatable across generations, and capped off by—no, not the kid punching grandpa in the crotch—but by Tracy Morgan’s “How do you DO that?” line to Stevie Wonder. Rarely do 2-second celebrity cameos work, but this one was perfect.

Unknown: Somewhere in this mess was Megan Fox in a bathtub. I don’t know what it was for, but I’m sure I scoffed at it and turned to my wife to tell her how much I love her. My wife, that is.

Sorry I couldn’t keep this review, uh, more brief (UNDIES!).

Marketers

http://www.savagechickens.com/2006/09/marketing.html

Cereal: It's what's for breakfast

This is such a great idea. One of the talking-head sports radio shows put together a March Madness-inspired cereal tournament! They're already down to the Edible Eight today, and voting continues to see who will move on to the Flavorful Four and ultimately be crowned -- read closely, Wheaties legal team -- The Champion of Breakfasts! Vote here. I will likely break down this championship after the fact, with stunning insight and breathtaking analysis, just like the 8 jillion "experts" do for the hoops tourney. For good measure, I may throw in some comments about the respective cereals' slogans. Sound grrrrrrreat?

Speaking of crunchy particles in a morning milk bath, Relish recently had a good idea to post a blog encouraging suggestions for holiday-themed marshmallows in Lucky Charms. It started with idle chatter about how great it is to have kids who eat cereal, so the dads can also eat cereal, and grew to suggesting a limited run version of Lucky Charms with nothing but green clovers as the marshmallows. This chat took place right before St. Patty's Day, of course. The next obvious drop is pink hearts for Valentine's Day, and don't forget purple horseshoes for National Campground Pitching Stuff Challenge Day. But why limit it to existing marbits (short for marshmallow bits, since there's no way on General Mills' green earth that those are actually marshmallows)? What about:

Green Trees for Arbor Day (yawn)
Yellow Eggs for Easter
Orange Pumpkins for Halloween
...

Okay, those are the easy ones, and you are surely nearing slumber. Here's a site with a list of holidays. See if you can come up with unique marbit-holiday combinations, even make up your own holidays. Be your usual creative selves, and keep a reasonable level of etiquette (Charlie). Post in the Comments below! This could be just as fun (and tastier) than the Sea Kitten session! BEGIN!

Super Bowl XLII ad review

Well, the Pats disappointed, but not nearly as bad as the ad world. Does Hollywood's writers' strike somehow affect Madison Avenue? Seriously, I've seen better overall creativity in those local ads on cable - you know, the family tire store ad where the barely literate daughter of the owner is reading a line about quality and service, and then gives a toothy grin and thumbs up? We've all seen it.

If you want a truly professional ad review, read Bob Garfield's on Adage.com - he's the best. It's raw, opinionated, and fairly jaded by his years in the business. I'll put the link below (and link to the ads themselves), but first, try and stomach my amateurish thoughts.

Let's start with the perennial overblown contributor: Bud Light. While not particularly original, the fire breather was funny, and the neanderthal-tire spot was okay too. I don't understand why they drop in the 2-second final scene after the logo/tagline - the scene is generally worse than the main ad and leaves me with a bitter beer taste. Best laugh: Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon. How long will his modified Ron Burgundy voice and personality keep us laughing? It still works for me.

Nice to see that CocaCola can still make warm fuzzy ads. Who'd-a-thunk Charlie Brown would star in this year's ads? I enjoyed trying to verbalize Stewie the balloon's thoughts as he fought for the Coke with Underdog; "Blast it all, you mangy mutt!" The political-pundit ad was lost on me, but why do I find two guys on Segways so amusing? (Aside): Yesterday, at SLC airport, we saw two cops rolling around on Segways near the baggage claim. Their machines had custom side-mounted storage bins and "POLICE" stickers all over them. Ooh - menacing. My guess is they filed a boredom complaint (it's the SLC airport) and were given the scooting podiums for amusement. Bonus! It's the citizens who are most amused! I compare this phenomenon to the fat twins on mopeds from the Guinness Book. Remember?

Dell, which has done some memorable ads, had a major flop. It was embarrassing actually - they're partnered with the (PRODUCT)RED campaign which supports the fight against AIDS in Africa, and the best they can do is a guy being worshipped for carrying his Dell laptop around town? Huh? Also, the Bridgestone ads with people/animals/Richard Simmons getting in the way were idiotic.

The ad that created the most visceral response for me was the Godfather-inspired Audi R8 ad. The cut from the front-end-in-the-bed scene to the firing engine and futuristic headlights of the new R8 was exhilarating. That car looks awesome. Bonus props for using the phrase "put on notice".

Enough with GoDaddy's sex sells pitches. Yes they're direct, but we get it already. I'm disappointed that Danica Patrick goes along with this stuff - I thought she'd stick closer to her sport. Instead, she's going the way of Kournikova.

Best line: Cars.com's "Plan B" spot with the stone circle death match: "You should definitely step outside the circle..."

Babies are cute, we know. Somehow, E*Trade still got it right with their baby videos. It makes the point well (ease of use), makes us laugh, and capitalizes on the recent trend of YouTube baby clips being emailed around by your aunt. Also, acknowledging clown creepiness never hurts.

The FedEx carrier pigeons were a good sight gag and that's about it. "Here's a great new (absurd) idea! No? Okay maybe not." Sort of the same concept as the Bud Light fire breather / flying ads. Bob Garfield calls it "the 'what if/never mind' comedy genre", which sums it up best.

Memo to Doritos: At $2.7 Million per :30 spot, you might want to re-think putting half your spend on a girl with a guitar named Kina Grannis. Good luck measuring that ROI. I'm sure she'll really stand out from the other refreshing, folksy, granola-eating ladies cramming that genre. And notice what they eat: granola, not Doritos chips.

On to the other beverage behemoth, Pepsi. I hate admitting it, but the Justin Timberlake spot was one of the better all-around ads of the show, complete with a clever gimmick, interactive website, call to action for free MP3s, and an Andy Samberg cameo to boot. "Multimedeoric" if you will. I should coin that term, whatever that means. Diet Pepsi Max must be doing some effective advertising in general, because I knew that would be the product featured in the head nodding/bobbing ad before we actually saw it. In this case, however, the "celebrity" appearances - Chris Kattan the only exception - were cheap and unnecessary.

One of, if not the best ad was the "Silence the Stain" spot from Tide. The sheer annoyance you felt watching and listening means it was effective. Watch it again, and tell me the stain's blabbering is not reminiscent of Steve Carell's anchorman character toward the end of this Bruce Almighty clip.

All of the vitamin/life/flavored water ads are generally weird. Once you accept that, you can enjoy the Thriller-dance lizards for SoBe Life Water. Come on, we all wish we could do that entire dance in our living rooms, and although we often try, we can never get the shimmy-shimmy / feet together / clap overhead part right. I'm talking about other people, not me. But this ad begs one question: Does Naomi Campbell really matter anymore? Really? Nao- forget it.

And finally (we hope), the culmination (we hope) of the Charles Barkley + Dwyane Wade "Fave 5" ads gave me some chuckles. Two points: He really spells it "Dwyane", that is not a misprint. And "Chuckles" is a nickname often used for Charles Barkley, so... The best moment of the ad was seeing Chuckles in front of the double-wide refrigerator. For those hip to the sports scene, Mr. Barkley is generally regarded as not slim. And Mr. Wade should keep his day job, which is flopping all over the ground drawing cheap whistles, while scoring lots of meaningless points for the worst team in the NBA.

The rest of the ads were either too idiotic to mention (SalesGenie.com), or I did not see them (___). For a professional and well researched take on the ads, see Bob Garfield's column here. If you missed any or all of the ads, be thankful, but feel free to watch them here.